Perfectionism

As a child I was often told by family members that I was a perfectionist. In some ways I could see what they were talking about, but I always thought I was really laid back about some things, while hard on myself about other things.

As an adult I always laughed if someone put this label on me. "How can I be a perfectionist if I'm not good at anything I try?" I remember being asked once at a really uncomfortable counseling session to list some things that I felt I was good at, or that was a strength and I couldn't come up with one single thing.

Well after listening to a great podcast, "Progress, not Perfection: Managing Habits, Perfectionist Thoughts, Procrastination, Binge Eating, Anxiety, Stress, and Body Image", I realized that I do have some perfectionist traits. It is definitely more than actually being high achieving! When I think of my "all or nothing" thinking it completely fits with the perfectionist type. I also read through Huffington Post's "14 Signs Your Perfection Your Perfectionism Has Gotten Out of Control" and while I did not fit every description, I did feel some traits applied to me.

Many perfectionists struggle with black and white thinking-success or failure and I know that I've struggled with this. I've been trying to catch myself in these thoughts more lately. It is easy to regard my recent weight gain as a "failure" because the "success" I had with weight loss gave me results that were measurable which gave me a peace of mind. But my means of reaching the "success" weren't healthy or sustainable so I know I can't completely regard all of my weight loss as a success. And some of the weight gain that I've had recently has been healthy for my body and mind, so it isn't entirely a failure. But, sometimes I still fight to not regard myself as a failure because of it!


The Huffington Post article mentioned that a guilty soul as a perfectionist trait, and this really rings true for me, especially in my recent journaling practices. I've found that when sorting through my feelings, I commonly write about guilt and shame-whether that be related to body image issues, work, school, just myself. This can be very difficult to shake. With body image, I know I can't reach good body image until I do not feel shame towards my body, but I have yet to reach that point where I don't feel shame. That is something I am definitely needing to focus on.